50 Bartender Quotes That Mix Wit, Words & Spirits

Pour one of these spirited bartending quotes into your life.

Published August 1, 2023
Young bartender talking to a female customer in pub

You're posting a #ThrowbackThursday picture to your Instagram and need the right quote to capture the bond between you and your bar fam. Perhaps you're scrolling Twitter or Facebook and have a few thoughts about your life behind the pine. Whatever the occasion, we've rounded up the best of the bartending quotes for you.

Unless otherwise noted, all quotes are original and written by LoveToKnow Staff.

Funny Bartender Quotes to Raise Your Glass To

Being a bartender means being a part time stand-up comedian. Okay, so maybe being a bartender is a little more sarcasm than jokes, but it still gets a laugh!

Funny Bartender Quote
  • Some people change your life for the better - they're called bartenders.
  • They say some bartenders swear too much. It's me. I'm some bartenders.
  • He who has the booze makes the rules.
  • You could say I like to shake things up.
  • God knows when you don't tip.
  • I can't offer you Wi-Fi, but I can offer you rum.
  • Spending life behind bars
  • Gets weeded well with others
  • You're not drinking alone if I'm there.
  • I'm always helping people to make pour decisions.
  • I suffer from resting bartender face.
  • Bartender? I prefer pharmacist with a different inventory.
  • If you walked a mile in my shoes, you'd still be behind the bar.
  • I was once patient and polite, then I became a bartender.
  • I'm the bartender; I make the shots, I call the shots.

Perfect Bartender Quotes for Instagram

The perfect quip for any picture you add to your grid or when you're updating your Instagram story, letting your friends and regulars know you're working and to stop by and visit.

Perfect Bartender Quotes for Instagram
  • If it requires a blender, then we're out of that drink.
  • Full-time bartender, part-time therapist, part-time philosopher
  • Drink responsibly, but tip me recklessly.
  • You can't scare me, I'm a bartender.
  • I don't just make drinks, I make spirits soar.
  • Bartender by night, sleeping by day
  • Tonight's plans: shaking things up behind the bar
  • No one knows when a full moon is faster than a bartender.
  • Mixing drinks and fixing moods
  • Bartending is where inspiration and fun meet.
  • I'm a master of mixing, stirring, and shaking.
  • Don't make the bartender mad or else you'll have a sober experience.
  • Behind the sticks, in the weeds, ready to make some money

Short Bartender Captions for All the Moments

Short and snappy bartender quotes, not unlike how you tackle the service well on a busy Saturday night.

Short Bartender Captions for All the Moments
  • I'm your spirit guide.
  • Show Me Your Tips
  • TGI Monday
  • Adult Daycare Director
  • I'm a drink dealer.
  • I garnish drinks with sarcasm.
  • I also know the owner.
  • Fluent in cocktail specs
  • The bartender is always right.
  • Always poppin' bottles
  • Mixing drinks & breaking hearts
  • Trust me, I'm a bartender.

Our Favorite Famous Bartender Quotes

There's a world out there of people who adore you and your fellow bartenders. Bask in the glow of their affection and their words.

Our Favorite Famous Bartender Quote
  • "I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cab driver. Then they would really be educated." Al McGuire
  • "There are few professions whose primary objective is to advance the cause of humanity rather than simply to make money or accrue power. Among this limited group of humanitarians I would number teachers, nurses, bookstore owners, and bartenders." Jack McDevitt
  • "A theory that you can't explain to a bartender is probably no damn good." Ernest Rutherford
  • "That's the magic of a great bartender -the sleight of hand at play, to hide all the work and serve up the pleasure." Jim Meehan
  • "By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing." Don Marquis
  • "The greatest accomplishment of a bartender lies in his ability to exactly suit his customer." Harry Gordon Johnson
  • "Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please." P. J. O'Rourke
  • "There was a sad fellow over on a bar stool talking to the bartender, who was polishing a glass and listening with that plastic smile people wear when they are trying not to scream." Raymond Chandler
  • "Lady bartenders live a tougher life than anybody knows." James Crumley

A Shot of Wisdom and a Splash of Sass

You wear many hats as a bartender, and these quotes cover the spectrum of busy days, slow days, coveted Mondays off, and every experience in between when it comes to bartender life. You work hard enough behind the bar; these quotes can do the talking for you.

50 Bartender Quotes That Mix Wit, Words & Spirits